Humorous Quotes

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
Groucho Marx

Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can’t make head nor tail out of it.
Groucho Marx

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Rita Rudner

I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.
Rita Rudner

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Rita Rudner

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. George Burns

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

George Burns