Month: November 2014

Thanksgiving Short Jokes

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  >Thanksgiving Short Jokes

Q: What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
A: Plymouth Rock

Q: If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
A: Pilgrims

Q: Why can’t you take a turkey to church?
A: They use FOWL language.

Q: Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive?
A: It had 24 carrots.

Q: What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
A: He got the stuffing knocked out of him!

Q: What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo?
A: A turkey that can pluck itself!

Q: What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it?
A: Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all.

Q: Who dosent eat on Thanksgiving?
A: A turkey because it is always stuffed.

Q: Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
A: Because April showers bring Mayflowers! Dear Turkeys, don’t worry…
they only love us for our breasts too. Sincerely, women.

Q: What did baby corn say to mama corn?
A: Where’s popcorn?

Q: If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous
for?
A: Their AGE!

Q: Why do pilgrims pants keep falling down?
A: Because their belt buckles are on their hats!

Q: Why did they let the turkey join the band?
A: Because he had the drumsticks

Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
A: “If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!”

Q: What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son?
A: If your papa could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!

Q: What if the Pilgrims shot a bobcat instead of a turkey?
A: We’d be eating pussy for Thanksgiving!

Q: If a man wants to eat a turkey on Thanksgiving, what does a turkey
want?
A: It simply wants to run away.

Q: What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day?
A: God save the kin.

Q: Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
A: The outside

Q: Why did the police arrest the turkey?
A: They suspected it of fowl play

Q: What’s the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?
A: The turKEY

Q: What did the turkey say before it was roasted?
A: Boy! I’m stuffed!

Q: What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian?
A: He had an arrow escape

Q: What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on
Thanksgiving morning?
A: To be or not to be roasted, that is the question.

Q: Why do turkeys always go, “gobble, gobble”?
A: Because they never learned good table manners!

Q: What sound does a space turkey make?
A: Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!

Q: What key has legs and can’t open doors?
A: A Turkey.

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: It was the chicken’s day off!

Q: Which cat discovered America?
A: Christofurry Columbus

Q: What are the feathers on a turkey’s wings called?
A: Turkey feathers

Q: What’s the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?
A: The turkey trot

Q: What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus?
A: Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving

Q: What do you call the age of a pilgrim?
A: Pilgrimage.

Q:What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach?
A: Puritan.

Q: What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he’s in pain?
A: Pil-grimace.

Q: What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary?
A: Pilgrammar.

Q: What do modern day Native Americans call a pilgrim?
A: Pilgrim Reaper.

Q: What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian?
A: He had an arrow escape.

Q: What does Dracula call Thanksgiving?
A: Fangs-giving.

Q: What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit?
A: A poultrygeist!

Q: Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving?
A: The turkey because he’s already stuffed!

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Wisdom from Facebook

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By Duke Hergatt of Temple Baptist Church

Every time our president opens his mouth he makes me love Jesus more. The gates of hell can’t prevail against Christ’s church. That is not a promise to America. I greatly fear for our nation. Politics have replaced virtue. Our constitution is being ignored. Our media is corrupt. Man just proves again man can’t fix man ‘s problems. My trust is in the Word of God.. Not in the words of elected officials.

#Shirtstorm Is Just One More Reason That Liberal Feminism Is Completely Stupid.

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Written by  Mockarena  (Chicks on the Right)

Cathy Young, of Reason magazine, wrote a great column about the #Shirtstorm surrounding a scientist from the Rosetta mission.  If you haven’t heard about this, you should know that a British physicist, Matt Taylor, wore a really hideous t-shirt to a press appearance about the landing of the space probe on a comet, and as a result, Perpetually Offended Liberal Feminist Hosebeasts couldn’t cope.

Here’s the shirt in question.

The AP description, “garish shirt featuring a collage of pin-up girls” is pretty accurate.  I mean, let’s face it.  The shirt is heinous.  But you would have thought, based on the reaction of feminists, that he”d worn a shirt that said, “I love rape” on it or something.  A “journalist” from the Atlantic, Rose Eveleth, tweeted, “Thanks for ruining the cool comet landing for me a-hole.”

She seriously allowed a dude’s clothing choice to RUIN the comet landing for her, you guys.  And these are the chicks that claim to be all empowered?  These are the chicks who screech for women’s equality?  Yeah – way to help with that cause, moron.  Find me a single dude who would allow a woman’s shirt to “ruin the cool comet landing” for him.  You want equality? Then freaking MAN UP and don’t go whining about a dude’s SHIRT ruining your fun. 

But Rose wasn’t the only one deeply wounded by Matt Taylor’s fashion. Another headline on Verge magazine read, “I don’t care if you landed a spacecraft on a comet, your shirt is sexist and ostracizing.” Yeah.  Forget amazing feats of science and the demonstration of man’s exceptional technological capabilities.  He’s wearing a shirt that hurts someone’s feeeeeelings!!!

The worst part?  Matt Taylor tearfully apologized, you guys. He got beaten down by the whining of feminist harpies, and he freaking TEARFULLY APOLOGIZED.

Why are we tolerating this crap?  The women who can’t emotionally deal with a guy’s stupid shirt make all women look really weak and pathetic.

Another woman tweeted, “His shirt says to women in STEM:  I have no respect for you as a professional.  When I look at you, I see a sex object.”

What a total load of monkey droppings. As Cathy Young points out in her column, the DAY BEFORE Taylor’s appearance in The Shirt, he tweeted to his followers that they should all follow the Rosetta project scientist Claudia Alexander.  And it turns out, he received the shirt as a birthday present from a FEMALE FRIEND. Those shrieking harpies complaining about Taylor’s shirt would have served their cause a whole lot better by promoting the work of all of Taylor’s female teammates, who exemplify what feminism should be all about.  But nope.  Instead, they’re all emotionally damaged by a freaking shirt.

Cathy writes, “The message of ShirtStorm, meanwhile, is that aspiring female scientists can be undone by some sexy pictures on a shirt—and that women’s presence in science requires men to walk on eggshells, curb any goofy humor that may offend the sensitive and be cowed into repentance for any misstep.

Exactly. And this is what we talk about in great detail in Chapter 5 of Right for a Reason. We talk a lot about the kind of society we’ll be living in if we allow these lunatics to keep muzzling people with political correctness.  Arm yourself with the information in that book, y’all.

Meanwhile, as Cathy astutely notes, hypocrisy in these culture wars is rampant.  Women are apparently allowed to be disgusting, vulgar skanks in the name of “agency” and “female empowerment” (See: lyrics to pretty much any Beyonce song) but Robin Thicke’s catchy tune “Blurred Lines” has been categorized as a “rape anthem” and banned from college campuses. The double standard is out of control.  Imagine if a female scientist had worn a similar shirt as Taylor had, only with cartoon dudes all over it.  Would there be the same outcry?  Of course not.  She probably would have been mocked for wearing a heinous shirt, and that would be that.  No guys would be crying big crocodile tears over feeling sexually objectified.

And this is why liberal feminists are worthy of such scorn. They are pathetic crybabies who do exactly nothing to promote the strength and awesomeness of women.

Really: NY Legislator Wants Warning Labels on Soda

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Cortney O’Brien | Nov 16, 2014

Warning: You’re about to drink a very sugary substance! As if you didn’t know that already…

A New York assemblyman who’s apparently trying to be the next Michael Bloomberg has just introduced legislation to include warning labels on sodas, syrups and concentrates. More from the New York Observer:

Assemblyman Karim Camara today unveiled new legislation that would slap warning labels on bottles of soda and other sugar-heavy beverages to notify consumers of the risks of diabetes, obesity and tooth decay associated with the drinks.

A little excessive, huh? Nevertheless, Camara offered this defense of his proposed bill:

“This is about a pragmatic piece of legislation. This is not about an attack on an industry for the sake of the industry. This about doing what’s best for children and adults in our society,” said Mr. Camara. “We cannot afford for our children to continue to be overweight, to continue to have learning problems, to have health problems that may lead to difficult lives and at times illnesses that can lead to the loss of life.”

Yeah, a warning label should do it.

New Yorkers shouldn’t have to stare at stickers that shout the dangers of drinking soda. This is America – we should be able to drink a cold glass of Coca-Cola without feeling guilty. We know it’s not the healthiest beverage option in the world, but it’s our choice. And darnit, it tastes good!

New Yorkers and beverage industries shouldn’t be too worried, however, considering how that ambitious Big Gulp ban in the Big Apple ended.

New Yorkers don’t need a nanny. Legislators like Camara need a new hobby

Sunday School

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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her
five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to “honor thy
father and thy mother,” she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches
us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a beat one
little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

After-Birth Abortion?

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August 23, 2012 by Bristol Palin

Did you know that some liberal “scholars” published an article in a supposedly reputable journal suggesting that it should be just as permissible to kill a newborn baby as it is to kill an unborn child?  What will this journal publish next?  An argument for killing Jews?  For reinstating slavery?  Our abortion culture is creating a world where what should be unthinkable is being actively debated in the “best” of publications.

I know that I’m sensitive to questions about whether life is “worth living” or “worth protecting” even when babies are disabled or moms face challenges.  After all, my brother is disabled, and I was a teenage mom.  But I’d hope and expect that even the people who dislike me, who dislike my beliefs, and who dislike my family can unite in believing that it’s a shame that at least a few members of our cultural elite have lost all respect for vulnerable human life, and it’s a further shame that a widely-read journal gave them a platform for their hate.

My Determined Purpose

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By Greg Laurie

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 2014

DEVOTION
My Determined Purpose

Don’t let the world around you squeeze you into its own mould, but let God re-mould your minds from within, so that you may prove in practice that the plan of God for you is good, meets all his demands and moves towards the goal of true maturity.

—Romans 12:2

With the world the way it is today, with things getting darker and darker and going from bad to worse, it seems to me the only way to live these days is as a completely sold-out Christian—not as a fence-sitter trying to blend in, but as someone who says, “I want to walk with God and live a real Christian life.”
Paul said that his determined purpose in life was to know Christ (see Philippians 3:10-14). What is your determined purpose in life? When you get up in the morning, what do you live for? What are your goals? What are your priorities?
If you don’t have a goal, you’re in serious trouble because, as it has been said, if you aim at nothing, you’re bound to hit it. Can you say with Paul, “My determined purpose in life is to know Him”? I hope so.
Think of the way that God used Paul. He had led countless people to faith, established churches out on the frontiers of his world, and wrote letters that we regard today as the very inspired Word of God. Yet Paul realized he had so much to learn and so far to go.
It’s hard for us to think that someone like Paul would face the struggles and temptations we all face. But indeed he did. How much more should we be saying that we need to change radically in this coming year? We need to become more like Christ in this coming year—and don’t let anyone pull the wool over your eyes . . . all of us have a long, long way to go.