“I played God today
And it was fun!
I made animals that men had never seen
So they would stop and scratch their heads
Instead of scowling.
I made words that men had never heard
So they would stop and stare at me
Instead of running.
And I made love that laughed
So men would giggle like children
Instead of sighing.
Tomorrow, perhaps, I won’t be God
And you will know it
Because you won’t see any three-headed cats
Or bushes with bells on…
I wish I could always play God
So that lonely men could laugh!”
― James Kavanaugh, There Are Men Too Gentle to Live Among Wolves
1. I believe in God the Father, Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth:
2. And in Jesus Christ, his only begotten Son, our Lord:
3. Who was conceived by the Holy Ghost, born of the Virgin Mary:
4. Suffered under Pontius Pilate; was crucified, dead and buried: He descended into hell:
5. The third day he rose again from the dead:
6. He ascended into heaven, and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty:
7. From thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead:
8. I believe in the Holy Ghost:
9. I believe in the holy catholic church: the communion of saints:
10. The forgiveness of sins:
1l. The resurrection of the body:
12. And the life everlasting. Amen.
The secret to having a good marriage is to understand that marriage must be total, it must be permanent, and it must be equal.
— Frank Pittman
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
— Mignon McLaughlin
Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside.
— Frank Pittman
Motto for the bride and groom:
We are a work in progress with a lifetime contract.
— Phyllis Koss
If you treat your wife like a thoroughbred, you’ll never end up with a nag.
— Zig Ziglar
Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who
lived far away called his brother and told him, “Do something
nice for Dad and send me the bill.”
Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month,
he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring
it was some incidental expense.
Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, and finally the
man called his brother again to find out what was going on.
“Well,” said the other brother, “You said to do something
nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo
Chicago Schools are finally starting to teach practical math that these kids can use in real-world situations!
1. Lajames has an AK-47 with a 200-round clip. He usually misses 6 of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many mofos can Lajames ice on a drive-by before he gotta reload?
2. Willie has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what be the street value of the rest of his shit?
3. Dwayne pimps 3 ho’s. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Dwayne’s $800 per day Crack habit?
4. Raul wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to gets the 20% upside?
5. Ray-Ray gets $2000 for a stolen BMW, $1500 for stealing a Corvette, and $1000 for a 4×4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4×4’s, how many more Corvettes must he steal to make the 10k for his brother’s bail?
6. Pedro got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?
7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with three 8 oz. Cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?
8. Tyrone knocked up 4 girls in the gang. There be 20 girls in his gang. What be the percentage of bitches Tyrone knocked up?
9. Lafawnda is a lookout for the gang. Lafawnda also has a Boa Constrictor that eats 5 rats per week and a cost of $5 per rat. If Lafawnda makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed her snake with one week’s income?
10. Marvin steals Juan’s skateboard. As Marvin skates away at 15mph, Juan loads his 357 Magnum piece. If it takes Juan 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked?