The Upper Room for Dec 13th, 2014

Posted on

Read Acts 2:46-47

Jesus said, “Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.”

– Matthew 28:19-20 (NIV)

Today’s Devotional

From the pulpit in our church, one can see the seam in the carpet that separates the two shades of red carpet pieces. The seam represents the point where the old sanctuary was enlarged in the early 1990s because this small country church needed more seats for people to come and worship. Yes, from the front of the church I can see the problem, but it’s not the two shades of carpet. The problem is that in the 20 years after the expansion, no more seams have been needed. The growth stopped. The congregation dwindled. Somewhere along the way, the vision shifted away from reaching out to others.

The early church knew how to grow. They did not change their vision or stop reaching out. With the people’s response on the Day of Pentecost, it might have been easy to turn the focus inward. But instead the early Christians continued to preach the gospel to all the world. Hopefully someday all of our church buildings will have noticeable seams as God uses us to reach out to others and draw them into the family.

Andy Wayne Clapp (North Carolina, USA)

Advertisements

Seven More States Join Suit Against Obama’s Amnesty Bringing Total To 24

Posted on

Seven states joined Texas’s lawsuit challenging President Obama’s executive amnesty plan this week, brining the total number of states on the suit to 24.

“More than 20 states have joined our challenge against the president’s unilateral executive action to bypass Congress and rewrite immigration laws,” Texas Attorney General and governor-elect Greg Abbott said in a release. “The president’s proposed executive decree violates the U.S. Constitution and federal law, circumvents the will of the American people and is an affront to the families and individuals who follow our laws to legally immigrate to the United States.”

The list of states now suing Obama over his unilateral amnesty now includes: Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Kansas, Louisiana, Maine, Michigan, Mississippi, Montana, Nebraska, North Carolina, South Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, South Dakota, Texas, Utah, West Virginia and Wisconsin.

Plaintiffs received a huge boost to their cause Monday when the same judge who once called Obama’s immigration policy a “criminal conspiracy” was assigned to hear the case. And last week, Abbott filed a motion for a preliminary injunction which could stop the amnesty before legal documents are scheduled to be handed out this June.

Christmas cookie rules.

Posted on

Christmas Cookie Rules
1. If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and thus calorie free.

2. If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.

3. If a friend comes over while you’re making your Christmas cookies and needs to sample, you must sample with your friend. Because your friend’s first cookie is calories free, (rule #1) yours is also. It would be rude to let your friend sample alone and, being the friend that you are, that makes your cookie calorie free.

4. Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your feet and eventually fall off as you move. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.

5. Any calories consumed during the frosting of the Christmas cookies will be used up because it takes many calories to lick excess frosting from a knife without cutting your tongue.

6. Cookies colored red or green have very few calories. Red ones have three and green ones have five – one calorie for each letter. Make more red ones!

7. Cookies eaten while watching “Miracle on 34th Street” have no calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel.

8. As always, cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

9. Any cookies consumed from someone else’s plate have no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to their plate. We all know how calories like to CLING!

10. Any cookies consumed while feeling stressed have no calories because cookies used for medicinal purposes NEVER have calories. It’s a rule!
So, go out and enjoy those Christmas Cookies – – we only get them this time of year!

Marriage Humor

Posted on


Marriage Humour

Wife: ‘What are you doing?’

Husband: Nothing.

Wife: ‘Nothing . . . ? You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.’

Husband: ‘I was looking for the expiration date.’

————————————————————

Wife: ‘Do you want dinner?’

Husband: ‘Sure! What are my choices?’

Wife: ‘Yes or no.’

Thanksgiving Short Jokes

Posted on Updated on

  >Thanksgiving Short Jokes

Q: What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
A: Plymouth Rock

Q: If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
A: Pilgrims

Q: Why can’t you take a turkey to church?
A: They use FOWL language.

Q: Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive?
A: It had 24 carrots.

Q: What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
A: He got the stuffing knocked out of him!

Q: What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo?
A: A turkey that can pluck itself!

Q: What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it?
A: Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all.

Q: Who dosent eat on Thanksgiving?
A: A turkey because it is always stuffed.

Q: Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
A: Because April showers bring Mayflowers! Dear Turkeys, don’t worry…
they only love us for our breasts too. Sincerely, women.

Q: What did baby corn say to mama corn?
A: Where’s popcorn?

Q: If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous
for?
A: Their AGE!

Q: Why do pilgrims pants keep falling down?
A: Because their belt buckles are on their hats!

Q: Why did they let the turkey join the band?
A: Because he had the drumsticks

Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
A: “If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!”

Q: What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son?
A: If your papa could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!

Q: What if the Pilgrims shot a bobcat instead of a turkey?
A: We’d be eating pussy for Thanksgiving!

Q: If a man wants to eat a turkey on Thanksgiving, what does a turkey
want?
A: It simply wants to run away.

Q: What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day?
A: God save the kin.

Q: Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
A: The outside

Q: Why did the police arrest the turkey?
A: They suspected it of fowl play

Q: What’s the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?
A: The turKEY

Q: What did the turkey say before it was roasted?
A: Boy! I’m stuffed!

Q: What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian?
A: He had an arrow escape

Q: What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on
Thanksgiving morning?
A: To be or not to be roasted, that is the question.

Q: Why do turkeys always go, “gobble, gobble”?
A: Because they never learned good table manners!

Q: What sound does a space turkey make?
A: Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!

Q: What key has legs and can’t open doors?
A: A Turkey.

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: It was the chicken’s day off!

Q: Which cat discovered America?
A: Christofurry Columbus

Q: What are the feathers on a turkey’s wings called?
A: Turkey feathers

Q: What’s the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?
A: The turkey trot

Q: What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus?
A: Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving

Q: What do you call the age of a pilgrim?
A: Pilgrimage.

Q:What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach?
A: Puritan.

Q: What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he’s in pain?
A: Pil-grimace.

Q: What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary?
A: Pilgrammar.

Q: What do modern day Native Americans call a pilgrim?
A: Pilgrim Reaper.

Q: What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian?
A: He had an arrow escape.

Q: What does Dracula call Thanksgiving?
A: Fangs-giving.

Q: What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit?
A: A poultrygeist!

Q: Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving?
A: The turkey because he’s already stuffed!

Wisdom from Facebook

Posted on

By Duke Hergatt of Temple Baptist Church

Every time our president opens his mouth he makes me love Jesus more. The gates of hell can’t prevail against Christ’s church. That is not a promise to America. I greatly fear for our nation. Politics have replaced virtue. Our constitution is being ignored. Our media is corrupt. Man just proves again man can’t fix man ‘s problems. My trust is in the Word of God.. Not in the words of elected officials.

#Shirtstorm Is Just One More Reason That Liberal Feminism Is Completely Stupid.

Posted on

Written by  Mockarena  (Chicks on the Right)

Cathy Young, of Reason magazine, wrote a great column about the #Shirtstorm surrounding a scientist from the Rosetta mission.  If you haven’t heard about this, you should know that a British physicist, Matt Taylor, wore a really hideous t-shirt to a press appearance about the landing of the space probe on a comet, and as a result, Perpetually Offended Liberal Feminist Hosebeasts couldn’t cope.

Here’s the shirt in question.

The AP description, “garish shirt featuring a collage of pin-up girls” is pretty accurate.  I mean, let’s face it.  The shirt is heinous.  But you would have thought, based on the reaction of feminists, that he”d worn a shirt that said, “I love rape” on it or something.  A “journalist” from the Atlantic, Rose Eveleth, tweeted, “Thanks for ruining the cool comet landing for me a-hole.”

She seriously allowed a dude’s clothing choice to RUIN the comet landing for her, you guys.  And these are the chicks that claim to be all empowered?  These are the chicks who screech for women’s equality?  Yeah – way to help with that cause, moron.  Find me a single dude who would allow a woman’s shirt to “ruin the cool comet landing” for him.  You want equality? Then freaking MAN UP and don’t go whining about a dude’s SHIRT ruining your fun. 

But Rose wasn’t the only one deeply wounded by Matt Taylor’s fashion. Another headline on Verge magazine read, “I don’t care if you landed a spacecraft on a comet, your shirt is sexist and ostracizing.” Yeah.  Forget amazing feats of science and the demonstration of man’s exceptional technological capabilities.  He’s wearing a shirt that hurts someone’s feeeeeelings!!!

The worst part?  Matt Taylor tearfully apologized, you guys. He got beaten down by the whining of feminist harpies, and he freaking TEARFULLY APOLOGIZED.

Why are we tolerating this crap?  The women who can’t emotionally deal with a guy’s stupid shirt make all women look really weak and pathetic.

Another woman tweeted, “His shirt says to women in STEM:  I have no respect for you as a professional.  When I look at you, I see a sex object.”

What a total load of monkey droppings. As Cathy Young points out in her column, the DAY BEFORE Taylor’s appearance in The Shirt, he tweeted to his followers that they should all follow the Rosetta project scientist Claudia Alexander.  And it turns out, he received the shirt as a birthday present from a FEMALE FRIEND. Those shrieking harpies complaining about Taylor’s shirt would have served their cause a whole lot better by promoting the work of all of Taylor’s female teammates, who exemplify what feminism should be all about.  But nope.  Instead, they’re all emotionally damaged by a freaking shirt.

Cathy writes, “The message of ShirtStorm, meanwhile, is that aspiring female scientists can be undone by some sexy pictures on a shirt—and that women’s presence in science requires men to walk on eggshells, curb any goofy humor that may offend the sensitive and be cowed into repentance for any misstep.

Exactly. And this is what we talk about in great detail in Chapter 5 of Right for a Reason. We talk a lot about the kind of society we’ll be living in if we allow these lunatics to keep muzzling people with political correctness.  Arm yourself with the information in that book, y’all.

Meanwhile, as Cathy astutely notes, hypocrisy in these culture wars is rampant.  Women are apparently allowed to be disgusting, vulgar skanks in the name of “agency” and “female empowerment” (See: lyrics to pretty much any Beyonce song) but Robin Thicke’s catchy tune “Blurred Lines” has been categorized as a “rape anthem” and banned from college campuses. The double standard is out of control.  Imagine if a female scientist had worn a similar shirt as Taylor had, only with cartoon dudes all over it.  Would there be the same outcry?  Of course not.  She probably would have been mocked for wearing a heinous shirt, and that would be that.  No guys would be crying big crocodile tears over feeling sexually objectified.

And this is why liberal feminists are worthy of such scorn. They are pathetic crybabies who do exactly nothing to promote the strength and awesomeness of women.